Waiting for the laundry...
So I'm sitting at my dad's house doing laundry and was checking my internet stuff and felt the need to write a blog. I feel like I haven't really been able to share what is going on in my head and I think that I should start doing that because this is a safe place to do that I guess. Anyway for the last 4 or so months I have been going to counseling and been on medication for depression. I think it was triggered by the transition of moving away from most of what I was familiar with and starting out more or less on my own. I actually love Iowa State and really enjoy living in Ames and I have made friends...so on and so forth so it still perplexes me why I became so depressed. I have come to find out that there are a lot of things in my life that I just wasn't really taking control of and that by taking more control of them it has made a huge difference. I also have come to see that depression is not necessarily something one can control and that it is not something that I did or am "making up" or using as and "excuse" for things that I felt were wrong. I am working on being more organized and not procrastinating (emphasize working on) and I have been going to the gym and being more physically active. I also have had a lot of problems with my sleep patterns and that is gradually getting better as well. Now, I am not a patient person and this has been a huge struggle for me in waiting for results or I guess you could say feeling better. I can tell a major change but I still have a lot of work to do. I have started going back to church because it has become a peaceful and rejuvenating place again (I have had a lot of issues in the past with this) but I have come to that after realizing that my personal faith has remained strong in spite of any resentment I have towards the establishment or the group of people that I had started to link to the "church". This is a recent development but I think that it is one thing that has really made a major change in my attitude and my energy and my outlook on life. It's really a great feeling to know that when nothing else seems good that God is really still there waiting for you to come back to Him. Anyway I think it's about time to go check on my laundry and hopefully head for bed soon. Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.
posted by Emily @ 9:11 PM
4 Comments:
Em, I know a lot about how you were feeling. I've actually been going to counseling the past month and a half for depression as well. Except I was made to. Not a bad thing but my work actually told me I had to or risk losing my job. It's funny how you can know there is something wrong but not want to admit it. The changes you are making are wonderful. They are hard though. Especially the sleeping part. That seems to be my hardest part to fix. Isn't it funny how that faith that we were raised with never seems to disappear even when we wish it would or try to ignore it? :) You are in my prayers, hon. I love you.
Thanks Ang. You are in my prayers as well. Things will get better, ask your counselor about relaxation techniques that might help you with the sleeping. That really helped me. I also have a set routine before I go to bed now and that helps a lot too. I don't know how well that all works with 3 kids, but just a suggestion. Love you!
Actually its kind of funny. All 3 kids have a set routine. I on the other hand do not. And I'm not sure my counselor would know many relaxation techniques. She's kind of a flake. But she did help me find a way to deal with one of my biggest issues so it hasn't been completely hopeless. I've been trying to do all the non-medication things: eating better, exercise, upbeat music (thanks to Lex and my mp3 player). It's all been helping a lot. Believe it or not the music I think more than the others. Nothing like plugging into your favorite sing-along-at-the-top-of-your-lungs music every time you get a free moment. ;)
Emily! Sometimes in life we just need a bit of help to get through the rough spots, or even when things just seem a bit too much to handle on our own. I understand very well how moving and starting something new can trigger some deep emotions, I've been there. I'm glad you're feeling better and that you're getting control of the things that were difficult. If you ever need anything we are here for you! Love, Maren
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